All Photos: Stephanie Keith For New York Daily News
Just to reiterate, we promise this is not a joke, clickbait, or a Wunderground ripoff article. We leave that kind of stuff to the professionals, but we couldn't help but cringe when we saw New York Daily News post an article simply entitled "Deep House Yoga at Verboten in Brooklyn."
Don't get us wrong. We absolutely love house music, and there's no shame in taking the occasional or even frequent class. It's just something about the name that doesn't sit right with us. Out first question and pretty much only question is this: why does it have to be called Deep House Yoga? Let's face it. You are just begging the trolls or avid dance fans who love a good deep house joke to eat you alive.
Then again, we can safely assume that "Deeper UK garagey chill more minimal not big room or electro or progressive house" was much less marketable. That's pretty much our answer when people ask us what we listen to. We'd rather use 15 or more words to describe our taste in house music then just own up and say "deep house" (get used to the parenthesis) is our jam.
It's like a bad dream or nightmare. Someone asking what you listen to and accidentally saying "deep house" instead of the aforementioned long version. Call us jaded, but maybe we've just heard the term overused a bit too much over the years and now attempt to distance ourselves.
Our second question (turns out we had a second question) is this: what kind of "deep house" are they playing? Are we talking classic Chicago roots deep house like Frankie Knuckles, or is this like new school "deep house" actually really just UK garage sound that rose to mainstream prominence again around 2013 with the expedient rise of artists like Disclosure?
Are they just playing the Deep House Top 100 from Beatport? Wait, is this actually a future house class, which according to the Internet is a combination of EDM and "deep house?" This remains a mystery, but the only sentence in the original article that speaks on what gets played just has us much more confused. New York Daily News states "Sometimes the classes will break out into a spontaneous dance party, while other nights it's a more sedate and meditative techno music experience."
Hold the deep downward facing doggy! Now Deep House Yoga sometimes plays techno? This is just getting more confusing by the second. Are we talking like straight techno purist beats, or is this someone who heard a tech-house beat from a Dirtybird producer once and wasn't sure if it was techno or "deep house?" To be honest, that's something we would be down to try though.
Dirtybird Yoga. Think about it. It's less of yoga and more like shaking your ass at the function while dreaming of BBQ and pizza. That's like a dream come true. What will they think of next? Tropical house yoga maybe? Then again, last time we checked the point of yoga wasn't to fall asleep five minutes in after paying $60 dollars.
Finally, we couldn't help but notice the original article was labeled under the "Health" category. This has us worried. Next thing you know these classes be will on every corner in Los Angeles, packed to the brim with Health Goth fuccbois wearing elevation trainer masks claiming they are "into deep house now." It's all downhill from here.