10 Reasons You Should NEVER Date A DJ

So you think it's a good idea to date a DJ? Not a good idea!
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So you think it's a good idea to date a DJ? Not a good idea!
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DJs are a lot like musicians in many respects, they travel around a lot for work, they stay up late, they party a lot, they tend to have large egos and they make terrible mates. I'm going to focus primarily on the male DJ here as the majority of working DJs tend to be men and women are usually just better behaved overall as a sex, it's just the cliche that I'm going to roll with here.

So ladies, many of you think it would be great to date a DJ, they are the demigods of nightlife, worshiped by many and paid handsomely for their craft, even the D level guys are making six figures. 

They may all look great on the outside, smiling and making all those heart shaped signs and blowing you all kisses, but there is an evil undercurrent with most of them.

Nightlife careers corrupt and successful nightlife careers corrupt absolutely, the devil recruits here for a reason. So if you are looking for a long term serious relationship with a DJ you are barking up the wrong pair of skinny jeans or harem pants or harem sweatpants or drop crotch pants... you know what I mean. 

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Here are ten reasons to stay away:

1. DJ's are never home on weekends and chances are they are going to leave you behind 94.5% of the time when then jet off to Miami for "work." 

2. You are never as important as their gear or records. Sorry ladies, but chances are he's thinking more about his music collection than you most of the time and other chicks. 

3. Physical condition. Working DJs either develop skinny fat guy syndrome, slight variations of man boobs or pale pipe cleaner body. They will almost never have muscles of any sort and it will only get worse. Plus they will still walk around like they are David Beckham.

4. They party A LOT and often develop nasty drug habits or drinking problems. In other words, they tend to burn out brightly, kind of like strippers. 

5. They cheat on you, constantly. DJs, even if they look like Herman Munster, are always getting approached by sexed up fans (who have also been partying). This always results in penetration, sometimes orgies (aka an STD farm).

6. Chances of contracting an STD go up by about 93.5%. DJs don't like prophylactics. 

7.  Their career window is limited and most blow all their money, aka MC Hammer Syndrome (on a much smaller scale, but same shit). In two to four years, it will be over and there is no back up plan.

8. They will cheat on you with your friends and your friends won't tell you because he gets them into the club for free. 

9. Hygiene. For some reason DJs that start to gig a lot start to rapidly decline in the personal hygiene department. A look of 15% homelessness sets in and starts to degrade from there. They will infrequently wash their clothes and develop an overall funk that will most likely repell you.

10. They don't want girlfriends, so there is no point in trying to wedge yourself into pole position because then really all you are is his "regular" because everyone else knows he has 10 on the side.