The next time somebody tries to tell you how much friendlier the rave scene used to be, point them to Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music. In addition to laying out a comprehensive chronological lineage of existing dance music styles at the turn of the millennium, it provides biting, cynical commentary on the musical movement's manifold iterations.
To his credit, though, Ishkur, whose real name is Kenneth Taylor, put quite a bit of work into the guide (more than we admittedly put into ours), which he first uploaded in 1999 and updated through 2001. Broken down by the seven major categories of house, techno, trance, breakbeat, jungle, hardcore and downtempo, the early Flash animation gives a brief background of over 100 subgenres in total - as well as several examples of each one.
So, according to the famously opinionated Ishkur, which one was the worst? The very heading of "Speed Garage" reads "AKA the worst music in the world." It bears mention that speed garage is basically modern-day bass house made by outdated production methods - so in a way, one of our writers shares his sentiments.
That's right, kids, your parents called bass house "speed garage" long before the college kids who buy you booze started calling it "fidget."
You're probably wondering why Ishkur hasn't gotten around to making an updated version. Many old school ravers do as well - especially since according to a website whose last update appears to have been in 2010, he hadn't even started on it yet - but last year he revealed a guide map prototype to Pulse Radio that looks pretty vast:
With any luck, the updated version of Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music will be finished sooner rather than later. Until then, check out the original version (desktop only) here.