*Spoken in voice that shakes the heavens. Zeus, Jupiter, ODIN, Ra, God, Oprah. He has many names, let’s just agree to call him “The Big Guy,” or “He-of-terrifying-power-that -does-not-make-friends-easily.”
*Hear ME ( me, me, me)… MORTALS (mortals, mortals, mortals)! What time in the length of humankind’s breaths wouldst thou mark it when the awesome sea beast, the great white king monster from beneath the waves doth leap from its dread realm and taketh to the skies? When the mighty leviathan doth dye those very heavens the crimson red of the heart’s sweet broth? Hear me speak, weak ones, and regret the daggered pierce my glass-dead stare scores upon your forfeit souls when I allow you the knowledge that it is upon you, the end of days! There is no recourse, no escape for your sin-trundled and bowel-burdened scurryings! As the ancient scrolls foretold, as the wizards and the prophets have spoken of in hushed whispers since the dew of morning did first drip from the earth mother’s most fecund and whopping tit!
This day rings your doom, this night your doom’s DEATH, it is inexorable and inescapable. It is… a done deal! Except… (pace of narration quickens and become markedly more cheery, more “feminine” and, perhaps, slightly intoxicated) if you bounce it on over to The Standard Hotel for “Swimming with Sharks.” The summer’s heating up, and it’s on YOU to stay cool at the Standard hotel for Dance Right's “Swimming with Sharks” (brought to you by Burger King andScion).