By: Karen Labuca
The Reigning Queen Of Clubbing Shares Her ‘Sexpertise’.
A Club Called Rhonda is one monthly soiree savvy Angelenos know not to miss. The queen of polysexual hard partying has long fulfilled your deepest, darkest desires with her other worldly affairs that attract sexy socialites and music maestros from around the globe.
Now, every month, she shares her infinite sexpertise and satisfies your craving for the ultimate self-expression in her typically bold fashion with “Ask Rhonda”.
Have a burning question? Let it out !
ASK RHONDA:Chicago ghetto house music master, DJ Funk spun big booty clapping tracks, the classic “Ass and Titties,” and had the crowd twerking along to “I want a ho right now.” How do you deal with the fellas who just want a ho right now?”
I am not a ho and actually don’t even believe in the word. It's a problematic term in my utopia of total crushing sexual equality. But to be honest, I usually just want a fella right now, more often than a fella just wants a "ho".
Nobody is using Rhonda, baby. Rhonda is utilizing them. If you find yourself hounded by a relentless sexual werewolf of the opposite sex, who is only after "that thing," then you flip "that thing" on its head. Realize what you got is what they want, and get your life before giving it away. Love is a game we play and it's high time you get real good at it … real quick like.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself being coaxed into some loving arms with that sweet scent of sensual seduction, then you've found the honeypot, baby. Get after it and hold onto it!
Quick DJ Funk anecdote: Me and my door girl Phyllis Navidad were speaking to him after his set (WHICH WAS INCREDIBLE BTW), quizzing him on what he was going after with his music. His reply: "Dicks on the floor, pussy on the floor, whatever you got -- bring it and shake it and LET'S ALL GET LOOSE." Phyllis and I walked away from that meeting re-energized and vindicated in our mission. A man after my own heart.
ASK RHONDA: Dancefloor dominatrixes tied up in bondage space suits displayed their bold, kinky looks. What are your tips for feeling sexy?
Sexy is all about confidence, and honey, I’ve got lots of it. If you have confidence then nothing, nobody, nor any look can stand in your way of being absolutely fucking FABULOUS. Those dancefloor doms felt it, and we all felt it because of them.
Work your look, work it well, and nobody will judge you. Whips and chains not quite appropriate attire in your office? Some vicious leather bondage panties under that smart business suit will get you stomping around that office with total ownership in no time.
ASK RHONDA: There’s a first time for everything and we talked to a couple party virgins popping their Rhonda cherry. What’s your advice for locking eyes and seducing a dirty dance partner to grind it out?
Upon entering my doors you arrive in a feverish temple of self-expression. Nothing is sexier than YOU! Be yourself, show us who your are, and your unbridled personality will shine like a blaze on the bayou, attracting fireflies of all sexy shapes and sizes.
For me, a smokey eye, a quick wink, and a strong drink always seems to work oh so well. Granted, these sky high legs don’t exactly hurt my odds either.
ASK RHONDA: Stepping into the party is like entering another dimension. Surrounded by the boundless sounds and gyrating crowds a pressure builds that needs release. How can I reach my musical orgasm?
Let yourself go, surrender to the pulsing beat, the body heat, and the energetic movement of those around you. Feed off of them and they will feed off of you. The music is will reach you, it will reach deep and pull out the ecstasy you so desire. Enjoy it to the fullest in that moment.
ASK RHONDA: In a steamy room filled with the pounding sounds of Hercules & Love Affair, you find yourself stealing glances with sexy strangers. Is it so wrong to want a torrid love affair?
Good goddess no. The Dionysian ideal that we live by shows us that carnal indulgence in sensual pleasures are the true way to reach divinity, and a torrid love affair, especially with somebody as equipped as Hercules, would be nothing short of a miracle.