if you're coming out to Fauxchella at Coachella this weekend (April 10 - 13, 2014)...
you might want to read this and commit it to sober-to-drunken memory...
“LAWS OF FAUXCHELLA”
Laws Of Fauxchella: Lobster-red tan lines and MELANOMA are an avoidable "faux pas"...always wear sunscreen underneath the desert sun.
Laws Of Fauxchella:step 1: alcohol, step 2: food, step 3: alcohol, step 4: MORE ALCOHOL
Laws of Fauxchella: Eat before drink…food foundations are essential for successful, excessive boozing in the sun. Without it, you’re guaranteed a “free escort” out of the party.
Laws of Fauxchella: Always take care of those that take care of you…bartenders, shuttle & golf cart drivers, hotel maids, etc.
Laws of Fauxchella: Disco nap whenever you can! Nobody wants to see you yawning at the most epic parties of the weekend.
Laws of Fauxchella: Steer clear of strange random puddles in the middle of a desert party…THAT AIN’T WATER MISTER!
Laws of Fauxchella: Stay motivated, keep your eye on the booze, follow through & finish the drunken weekend that you started! quitters suck!
Laws of Fauxchella: Fellas, a happy trail on the front is meh, but above the ass crack? HELL NAW! Wax that shit homie! WE ALL HATE SEEING IT!
Laws Of Fauxchella:Ear Protection = Good…later on in life…Hearing Aids = Bad
Laws Of Fauxchella:Drink Drink Drink but avoid being dragged out of any venue…tsk tsk…you must never be “THAT GUY/GIRL”
Laws Of Fauxchella: after a night of Fauxchella dranking, drink lots of water before sleep! You’ll thank me in the morning!
Laws Of Fauxchella:Hydrate Hydrate Hydrate…water is important but alcohol will do too!
Laws Of Fauxchella:The sun is an evil competitor, so don’t challenge it…you will lose…instead, rest, get shade and consume more booze.
Laws Of Fauxchella:Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em…but don’t get caught DUMBASS.
Laws Of Fauxchella:Ladies, wear comfortable shoes…walking in 5 inch stilettos on desert sand sure does make for excellent YouTube FAIL videos…
Laws of Fauxchella:Coachella Dress Code = have fun! Looking like you’re searching for a coffin to crawl into is a big FAIL when we’re all partying in the sunlight…