It comes complete with breakdowns on what progressive house music really is, what gloving means to the scene, and more importantly, what David Guetta means to the scene.
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So if you're just getting into EDM, here are some important tips from a vet.
raves used to be better
like, you don't even know
big room house is terrible
no, that's progressive house
no, that's progressive trance
no, that's electro-house-dark-psy-trance-moobahtron-trap with raggacore cybergrind elements, you fucking idiot
your misappropriating that impossibly specific sub genre is physically offensive to me on a cellular level
tiesto is a sellout
david guetta is a sellout
hardwell is a sellout
eric prydz is a sell out
pryda is a sell out
you didn't know they were the same person? (scoffs) okay...
afrojack is a sell out
hardwell is a sellout
nicky romero is a sellout
avicci is a sellout
martin garrix is literally hitler
armin van buuren is okay
no, on second thought, fuck that. armin is a sellout
you're probably a sell out too
everyone is a sellout
except deadmau5, who is king of king and i can laugh at all of it because i get all of his inside jokes
it's okay for us to dress like this, but look at you, you skanky slut
it's better to go to a festival and bitch the whole time about how everyone has ruined it rather than try to find your own space to enjoy yourself
trance is dead
PLUR is dead
god is dead too
i wish martin garrix was dead
selfies are literally the worst thing you can do
in fact, everyone taking pictures is awful. why can't you just enjoy the music the way i enjoy the music?
EXCEPTION TO THE RULE: it's not only okay, but somehow encouraged for 90% of the girls to take 17 of the exact same posed and filtered picture and post it to instagram with a needlessly detailed caption and 23 hashtags begging for people to follow her account
seriously, all of you taking pictures and being happy makes me so goddamned mad.
i don't need drugs to enjoy the music, so i'm better than you
even though i'm probably on drugs too
like enough to put a rhino in a coma
if you haven't been doing this for longer than i have, you just don't get it and you're everything that's wrong with the scene
glovers are literally hitler
can you imagine if fucking martin garrix gloved?
god damn it