Are You An EDM "Basic Bitch"? If you don't already know what a basic bitch is, then you probably live on the polar cap or in some remote village in the Appalachian mountains.
The Urban Dictionary has a host of explanations, all of which hover around the general point.
So are you an EDM Basic Bitch or EDMBB, that's the question here? Here are some general symptoms of EDM Basicness. Don't worry, it's not too late.
1. You call all sub genres of electronic music EDM?
2. You love Talyor Swift remixes and are deeply committed to following her relationship with Calvin?
3. You think furries are cool?
4. You wear your underwear to festivals?
5. You only like the main stage DJs?
6. You paint the name of the festival that you are going to on your car in little cute bubble letters?
7. You take 10-20 "selfies" a day at festivals and then blast them on Instagram with hashtags like #BESTNIGHTEVER #EDMRULES #TRANCEBABES
If you have any of these symptoms, you are most likely infected with the EDM BB virus that is on a rampage across North America. You might have caught it on campus or at EDC, the exact point of entry into the US is still undetermined although there are several theories that David Guetta brought it over around 2010, and it went airborne.
It has been confirmed that many BB's contracted it while holding up their cell phones at David Guetta shows in 2011; these were the first major infections reported. Then the Dirty Dutch BB strain hit later that year that had a devastating effect across the USA.
Afrojacktacacus - A severe mutant form of the virus that dominated in early 2012 and was responsible for over 1 MM infections.
AokiCakatitus - A strain of BB that caused erratic behavior, mild retardation eventually leading to a coma.
Trancerendundacus - A virus that looks the same felt the same but was a little different with each microstrain eventually leading to Catatonic Schizophrenia.
The other possible point of infection is via a Bro, a primary carrier of the BB virus and various other STDs. The Brofuctuckardus Droptacockus virus also reached epidemic levels around 2012 and still continues to survive in various pockets across the USA, Australia, and Eastern Europe.
There have also been reported cases in Ibiza and the UK, but they are quickly eradicated and quarantined.
Don't worry, unlike other forms of Basic Bitch you are curable, unlike many suburban cases that are considered terminal.
Here are some known cures for the EDMBB, although not guaranteed.
Here Are Sevein Known Cures For EDM Basic Bitch Syndrom
If none of these techniques result in a dramatic reduction of symptoms we are afraid your EDMBB is terminal. So grab your LED lights, furries, underwear, nipple tape and enjoy the ride.
This article is satire, there is no such thing as a EDMBB virus or anything else that we just made up. We hope you LOL'd as we LULZ'd.