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35 Year Old Man Describes The Worst Acts in EDM

Walmer Convenience is at it again with a brutally honest commentary about EDM
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In a recent blog post on Walmer Convenience, a 35 year old man hilariously outlines everything he hates about EDM. He bashes all the main stage artists for promoting aesthetically terrible music, being the face of a corporation and not even being able to make their own music. We at Magnetic went ahead and picked out some of the most noteworthy claims by this 35 year old man and you'll probably find that you agree with everything he says. He's actually spot on.

Without further ado, this is "The Top Worst Acts in EDM as Described by a 35 Year Old Man"


Hardwell bio

"Look at this guy. Every pic I see of him he looks like a virgin. Thing is I'm sure he f***ed way more chicks than me. My theory is that he has the disease from the movie Memento where every few minutes he forgets his entire life so as far as he knows he's still a virgin. listen to this track. I think the genre is called 'I haven't Got My Dick Wet House'"

"It's terrible. The drop sounds like a dick jizzing with no one behind the wheel. Everything is messed the f*** up... If some f***ing isolated tribe heard Hardwell music they would be like 'f*** guys we f***ed up, our gods are f***ing angry as sh** we need to just do everything the opposite of what we're doing because this is a terrible sign.'"

Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike

Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike bio

"Behold, according to DJ Mag this is the NUMBER ONE ACT in the world. These guys might be from Europe but they look like the government collected the molly sweat of every douche bag in Las Vegas with a bad button up shit in bottle service and created life. The music sounds like it's made for girls that peaked in high school. Listen and watch:"


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Alesso Bio

"This guy's music sounds like a corporation getting it's first period. This f***ing drivel sounds like the music for a f***ing Sandals resort commercial."

David Guetta

David Guetta bio

"David Guetta is like one magic Christmas cocaine fell on a used tampon and it came to life. There was his terrible use of North American Aboriginal culture to promote a club night called 'Fuck Me I'm Famous'"

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"On top of that, All his f***ing tracks sound like someone else so let's just f***ing say it: he doesn't f***ing make them. This represents everything about David Guetta:"



"I feel bad in a way for Carnage because from what I hear he's not really a bad guy. He's the only one on this list who isn't some f***ing white ass Euro douche. I happen to like a lot of the tracks that are credited to him (key word 'credited').

"But dude just represents everything wrong with EDM. He doesn't make his own sh**. Like when dude was in that tutorial vid where he was explaining sh** like he had just fallen out of a uterus full of weed smoke that was it... He's the face of a f***ing corporation. All his Chipotle sh** and everything, dude is just an industry. "

This is basically a round up of the most mainstream artists and everything that is wrong with the EDM industry. For those who actually enjoy the music listed above, please ask yourself, why? 

If you would like to read the full commentary of the 35 year old man who ranks the top worst acts in EDM, click here.

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