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Why It's Hard to Find Love in the Music Scene

No matter where you are, finding love isn't really all that easy, but we explore the topic with regards to the dance music community
(photo by Keoni Cabral)

(photo by Keoni Cabral)

Last year I wrote an article about whether or not dating someone who doesn't listen to dance music can work. That article discussed a plethora of issues, like the amount of time we spend going to music events to the time we spend listening and talking about music. Also, the amount of money we drop to fuel our passion and the touchy nature of our fellow patrons is also important to note. Not to mention the grime, I mean have you seen the bathrooms? The answer, not surprisingly, was a collective, no. 

Now that Valentine's Day has made another unnecessary comeback as an overly saturated holiday, I sit here and think, is it even possible to date someone that IS in the music scene? I mean logically, finding someone who shares the same interests makes sense. However, the idea poses a lot of other issues that may not be blatantly apparent. 

Small Genre, Small Crowd

Dance music as a whole is quite vast, however, most people like to link their personality to a specific branch or genre. Meaning, if you listen to Trap, you probably don't go to a lot of House or Techno shows. The crowd of people over time will overlap, especially in cities like Boston and Houston. Even Brooklyn and Los Angeles can feel a lot smaller than you may realize. So if you always go out to shows and see the same people, the options aren't so significant. More often than not, I have bumped into the same crowd of people in different states because we all attend the same festivals. 

 It is a small...small...teeny...tiny world. 

Generation Instant Gratification

Now this pretty much applies overall, but in regards to the scene, it just basically outlines that chivalry is dead. Long gone are days that someone buys you a drink or even attempts to strike a conversation relating to the same act you have both gone to see. It just doesn't happen like it used to. Courting someone has drifted away from the traditions to now be as simple as rubbing up on someone on the dancefloor. Everyone is all giddy on whatever they're on so you are either not talking or staring holes into someone's head until they get creeped out. 

My least favorite? You're rolling face and thinking it would be a grand idea to put your hands on my hips. Um... back off and try acting like a civilized being first. 

You Are All Out Partying

We don't really pay attention to the minor detail that in any normal situation would be a red flag in a potential love interest. Where most of us go out to see a particular act and have a good time, more often than not, people go out just to party. Who knew, right? So even though you may think you like the same music someone else because you are at the same venue, it doesn't mean that applies to every member of the crowd. Some are literally just there to do some drugs and essentially not remember what happened that night. 

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Everyone I Know is a DJ or a Promoter!

As I am scrolling through my Facebook and my friend suggestions, it literally shocked me at how many of these people are DJs, producers, and promoters. I am not saying they don't make good options... No, wait, that's exactly what I'm saying. A Producer's first priority is their music and rightfully so, that's their job. DJs have a tendency of being the god of the dancefloor and more interested in entertaining everyone, rather than you. Again, that's their job. Promoters are the popular ones, who know everyone and are at every friggin show. Again, that's their job and we can't really fault them for it.

This isn't to say that every DJ, Producer, and Promoter are as stated as above. I am just outlining the job and the personalities that the music industry tends to bring out. Having a career and a passion are very attractive qualities, but more often than not the music world has a tendency to sideline personal relationships in lieu of popularity and success. 

Is This Lifestyle Forever?

Genital herpes is forever, but is your love of dance music and partying? Now, I plan on working in this industry for a good long while, but I am pretty sure I will need an escape at some point. Do I really want my boyfriend or husband to come directly from this same world? Talk about over-saturation of interests. Now, for the rest of the population not interested in making this moment of your life into a career, what if you move on or grow out of it? Do you think your significant other will feel the same? 

Some of us are absurdly devoted to this world. Borderline obsessively! 

In the end, this is all just a matter of perspective and priorities. There are plenty of couples who do not share the same taste in music and social life and are completely happy. I know many who have met in the music scene and they flood my Facebook with lovey-dovey crap. I also know plenty of DJs and promoters who make amazing significant others. However, I feel that most people you find in the club, we single folk, and we all know it is the majority of the crowd, feel that there is something missing. 

Happy, I-Would-Rather-Netflix-And-Chill-With-My-Cat, Weekend! 

Where's that Techno Tinder at? Feeling lonely, check out Mix'd.

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