Dance clubs have many purposes: gathering with friends, celebrating the arts, networking (for industry pros), and maybe harboring an alcohol addiction in a safe space. Often, these uses end up taking priority ... which is fine. Clubs are an inclusive space that should be celebrated for their multifaceted natures, but let’s get one thing straight: The dance floor is for dancing.
According to The Guardian, “There is a way of working your way through a packed crowd: slowly, saying ‘excuse me’, a gentle hand in the small of someone's back to indicate you're coming through.” And while that sounds perfectly polite and British- this tactic might be appropriate for a crowd- a packed dance floor is another issue altogether. Whether you are circulating, texting, or talking, the only thing you should do on the dance floor is dance.
This isn’t a tirade against people on their cell phones while they’re on the dance floor — although everyone entering a club should sign a waiver form that their phones will be confiscated upon use of flash photography. That’s just excessive.
While some reading this may believe their situation is unique, I assure you there is a way to dance while doing anything you could possibly need on a dance floor.
Although there are fewer things in life better than enjoying a Manhattan straight up while watching John Tejada get a dance floor in a tizzy, it’s best to leave the martini glass at the bar. Bottled and canned drinks are made for a reason, and their portability is ideal for the dance floor. Once the beverage of choice is square away, proceed with caution and pull out your best spill-free dance moves.
Ever try to moon walk with a Blue Moon?
Phones on the dance floor. Some may hate on it, but connecting with friends or looking up info at any time and place is a convenience of the 21st century for which we’re all the better (how did anybody figure out which bus to take before 2010?). Expecting someone to leave the front of the crowd just to tell their friend they’ll be in Halcyon in an hour-ish is a bit too dogmatic.
However, stopping dancing to compose that text messes with the flow of those in your vicinity is a no-no. As the old adage goes: If you can’t shake it while texting bae, then put that damn phone away.
The mere fact that people try to talk on or near a dance floor is laughable. What words are important enough to disrupt the music and the lasers? None. No words are important enough, unless those words are, "Would you like me to grab you a Long Island?"
Think back to all instances in which you've had to lean in and strain your senses to converse on a dance floor. More often than not, the involved parties' dance moves come to a standstill, and so do the vibes.
Pro tip: Wear ear plugs on the floor to not only help prevent tinnitus in the long term, but also to avoid pesky dance floor chatter in the short term.
Making your way through a crowd
Dance floors are a dynamic space. They are a hive comprised of multiple clubbers, all buzzing with their own agendas for the night. And when that agenda involves migrating from one end of the dance floor to the other, it’s easy enough to make a beeline and go for it. However, they're typically more amenable to letting you through if you're pollinating the floor with some killer moves.
If all else fails, remember: Everybody reacts to a big, bouncy booty entering their personal space. If Kim Kardashian can build an empire off her ass, you can use yours to get through 15 feet of sweaty clubbers.
"Glengarry Glen Ross" may be best known for its sales motivation, "Always Be Closing." If you can remember your ABCs, then the ABDs aren't too far off. Use what your proverbial mommas gave you, let your backside do the work and Always Be Dancing.