Eight Tips to Make Your Pandemic Valentine's Day Not End Up With Social Distancing

The pandemic has made things a lot more complicated; here are some ideas to help make V-day a success this year.

So we are coming up on another holiday that will once again be demolished (unless you are in Florida or similar yahoo states) by Covid restrictions. Those fancy dinners and nights out on the town are a no can do for most of us, or so incredibly tedious that it's just not even worth trying. So what the hell are you supposed to do? Well, celebrate at home, of course. Here are some tips, products, and ideas to make this Valentine's Day not suck too much.


Always Prep Your Music!

Prepare your music like a score to a movie. What? Why not just put on a Rap Caviar and call it a night, you may ask? Don't be basic; you're better than that - I mean, you are reading this savvy, sophisticated music mag, aren't you? 

We all know that music sets the mood, and if you think about your night in stages, then you will be rewarded. This notion should be obvious, but if you haven't thought of it, then it isn't now, is it? Head to Spotify or, better yet, to your vinyl collection; this lets the organizing begin. Think easy going and chill like some LoFi hip hop instrumentals to start the evening, this genre goes great with cooking/prepping dinner and sipping cocktails or wine. Then bring it up with some midtempo stuff for after dinner, when you are having your next round of cocktails. Now it's time to sit on the couch and put on the virtual fireplace if you don't have a real one. Stare into her/his eyes and let that chillout music make the first move for you. Here's a primer for you below; feel free to use ours or, better yet, make your own.

Do Dinner Big, Even If You Can't Cook!

Ordering in is ok, but the food always arrives cold no matter how fast your Door Dasher is driving. Cooking together is part of the night; make it an activity, pick out something lofty but not out of reach. Think an excellent cut of steak or fresh-made pasta and a high-end sauce, don't skimp; it's cheaper than going to a fancy dinner by a long shot. Making food together gives you something to do as you build up the romantic tension.


Do Cocktails.

When we say do cocktails, we are not talking vodka sodas, you lemming. We mean COCKTAILS, something that requires more than two ingredients and requires some kit like a shaker, cocktail spoon, bitters, etc. Splurge on a good cocktail book and top-shelf booze. Nothing warms you up like a fantastic Old Fashioned or Manhattan.

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Candles are always a win.

This is obvious, but instead of digging around for your lighter and lighting up that nasty CVS candle you use to mask the smell of dog and bong smoke, maybe step it up? Get online and order a classy candle or at least a decent one.

We love the Zum Glow Soy Candles; they smell insane and are reasonably priced so that you can spend more money on booze and high-quality cuts. This Frankincense-Lavender Zum Glow will add just the right amount of mood lighting and fill your room with floral lavender and woodsy Frankincense; it's like you are in a magical fairy forest. The smell lingers in all the right ways, and this little guy will burn for almost 30 hours.

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A massage is always an excellent path to sexy time.

Ok, so this one is more for the guys, but it can go both ways, but yeah, mostly for the guys. Yes, foreplay and a relaxing rub down is a great way to get your partner in the mood but be smart about it. Don't do a mediocre five-minute shoulder rub and go right for the goodies; premature genital grabs will kill the mood faster than Trump destroyed the GOP. So be classy, San Diego and go slow, work the muscles and ease your way to the good stuff; this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Get a nice massage oil like Frankincense and Myrrh Zum Oil; this matches the candle's smell and is great stuff that is reasonably priced. So you can carry on your magical fairy forest theme and moisturize your significant other at the same time. Fractionated coconut oil and vitamin E create magically silky softness. She/He will scream OMMMMM My Gawwwwd this is good as you apply it with your sensitive touch.

Pretend you don't see the energy drink. 

Pretend you don't see the energy drink. 

Dress for success.

We have all gotten used to what you might call the "Covid Look," a slightly disheveled, sloth-like, sort of comfy clothing. Don't do this look for a special night; take the time to dig out something stylish, sexy, and somewhat comfortable. Remember what it was like to go out places? Pretend that's what you are doing, when shit was normal. You are not going to prom, so don't be a twit, dress up a bit, and maybe some special undergarments might be appropriate.

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Clean it like you mean it.

Before the big night, even if you live together, get extra clean all over the place. Women, you know how to do this; dudes need a little bit more direction. So throw away your Irish Spring and Pert shampoo and get something that might not make you smell like the men's grooming aisle at Target. 

We found this excellent solution from Ballsy Brands; yeah, really, that's what they are called. Guys, if you won't buy this yourself, maybe casually email your lady the link - she will probably buy you a subscription.

We love the Nuts About You Sack Pack, which is the ultimate starter kit for a better smelling pelvic region. It comes with the Ballwash, Nut Rub (yeah, seriously), and Sack Spray. All created to keep you smelling like, well, better than you usually do.

This Gift Set includes:

  • Ballwash - Activated Charcoal Body Wash
  • Nut Rub - Solid Cologne
  • Sack Spray - Deodorizing Spray
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Lube up.

Yeah, another no-brainer, but make sure you have some good stuff for the horizontal mambo. We often overlook this liquid during our everyday sex lives, and sex becomes like endless episodes of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. This is a big night; stretch it out and make long furious love with lube. We love the All The Feels from Ballsy Brands because it's got organic ingredients and not creepy chemicals, and it's not sticky.

All The Feels - Aloe Based Organic Personal Lubricant. They say they created "All the Feels" lubricant for Ballsy couples that like to have more fun. So why not just embrace what they want you to be, get freaky and slippery kids. 

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