10 Reasons You Should NEVER Date A DJ

DJs are a lot like other musicians in many respects: they travel around a lot for work, they stay up late, they party a lot, they tend to have large egos, and they make terrible mates. I’m going to focus primarily on the male DJ here as the majority of working DJs tend to be men and women are usually just better behaved overall as a sex. It’s just the cliché that I’m going to roll with here.

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So, ladies, many of you think it would be great to date a DJ; they are the demigods of nightlife, worshiped by many and paid handsomely for their craft. Even the D-level guys are making six figures. 

They may all look great on the outside, smiling and making all those heart-shaped signs and blowing you all kisses, but most of them have an evil undercurrent.

Nightlife careers corrupt, and successful nightlife careers corrupt absolutely. The devil recruits here for a reason. So if you are looking for a long-term serious relationship with a DJ, you are barking up the wrong pair of skinny jeans, harem pants, sweatpants, or drop-crotch pants… you know what I mean. 

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Here are ten reasons to stay away:

1. DJ’s are never home on weekends and chances are they are going to leave you behind 94.5% of the time when they jet off to Miami for “work.” 

2. You are never as important as their gear or records. Sorry ladies, but chances are he’s thinking more about his music collection than you most of the time and other chicks. 

3. Physical condition. Working DJs either develop skinny fat guy syndrome, slight variations of man boobs, or pale pipe cleaner bodies. They will almost never have muscles of any sort and it will only get worse. Plus, they will still walk around like they are David Beckham.

4. They party A LOT and often develop nasty drug habits or drinking problems. In other words, they tend to burn out brightly like strippers. This could be from nervousness or just the desire to party.

5. They cheat on you, constantly. DJs, even if they look like Herman Munster, are always getting approached by sexed-up fans (who have also been partying). This always results in penetration, sometimes orgies (aka an STD farm).

6. The chances of contracting an STD go up by about 93.5%. DJs don’t like prophylactics. 

7.  Their career window is limited, and most blow all their money, aka MC Hammer Syndrome (on a much smaller scale, but the same shit). It will be over in two to four years, and there is no backup plan.

8. They will cheat on you with your friends, and your friends won’t tell you because he gets them into the club for free. 

9. Hygiene. For some reason, DJs that start to gig a lot start to rapidly decline in the personal hygiene department. A look of 15% homelessness sets in and starts to degrade from there. They will infrequently wash their clothes and develop an overall funk that will most likely repel you.

10. They don’t want girlfriends, so there is no point in trying to wedge yourself into pole position because then really all you are is his “regular”. After all, everyone else knows he has ten on the side. 

Intrigued by how introverts excel in DJing? Read ‘An Introvert’s Guide to DJing: Advice on Stage Presence for the Shy Selector’ – gain unique insights here.